"We've Got The Power"

In our last Sociology class, we discussed women and gender. Considering how there is an overwhelming majority of females in our class, the topics on femininity, neo-feminist cinema and power were highly intriguing.

I have witnessed and experienced a significant amount of sexism, not only from males but females too. Mothers in particular. They seem to conform to their roles as being housewives and homemakers; cooking and cleaning are an integral part of a married woman’s daily routine. Men, however, conform to their roles as being the breadwinner of the household. If men are placed in a situation where they can’t be the providers of the family they will submit to playing no part whatsoever in helping around the house. This is because they feel emasculated and since socialization portrays working around the house as a female’s responsibility, men would rather be useless than serve a purpose.



I have first-hand experience, in my own household, of my brother telling me to make him meals because I’m a female. I have also experienced something similar from my mother. She advised me to learn how to cook earlier on, in order for me to provide meals for my future husband. Parents, and the family, are the most prominent agents of socialization in any individual’s life. This explains how people can justify that they’re right for whatever reason – may it be on buying a house or car, or making the right choice on a certain issue - because their parents have cautioned them on what is right and what is wrong.


This week I attended the student-faculty dodge ball game. Seeing as the majority of students are female, some male students expressed bitterness because they saw this as disadvantageous to the students’ team. “The only reason we’re losing is because we have so many girls on our team,” said one male.


Men seem to be under the impression that women can’t exert physical power. This is mainly due to socialization – movies such as Rambo and the Expendables convey masculinity through strength and violence. But even when women play roles that show ‘power over’ others, which means getting others to do something even when they don’t want to, it isn’t interpreted in a serious manner. This is mainly because men find women playing aggressive roles attractive, and almost all of these roles played by women are sexualized.



Although the faculty won the dodge-ball game, there were quite a number of females on their team as well. The males on the student team purposely targeted the females on the faculty team, assuming that they would be the “weak” point. But the females played a large role in contributing the large number of points the faculty team won by, which shows that it is merely a social construction that “women are physically weaker than men.”

Everybody works but father

“What does your dad do?”

“My dad? Uh, he’s a lecturer,” I looked down at my feet, which were making patterns in the playground’s sandy grit.



“Oh, what subject does he teach?”

“Language,” I muttered, gritting my teeth. I knew what was coming next.

“Interesting. Where?”

“Well,” I was thinking fast about how I could change the topic, “He doesn’t teach anywhere as of now…”

For as long as I can remember, that was the one reply I had for that seemingly harmless “where does your dad work” question. I was beginning to give up hope that my answer would ever change.

“Uh, no, he doesn’t work right now.”

It did come up more often back then in high school, when I was in the process of interacting and developing a social identity.

And it wasn’t a pleasant question.

“Oh, he’s a lecturer. Hey, I love your shoes! Where did you get those from?”

Dad had a history of being constantly in and out of jobs. Six months here, two months there, yearlong gaps in between. Looking back now, I think I can pin the inconsistency on spikes in he-cession.



Nonetheless, it was to transform my societal outlook forever.

That was the time that saw my dear mother become "Mrs. Dad" when circumstances made her take over as the family breadwinner. She worked round the clock—7:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. at her workplace, then longer hours back home.

My dad?

That is the funniest part.



His shift would begin everyday at around the same time, lasting the same number of hours.

Only, he would make breakfast, sweep and mop, tidy rooms and prepare lunch. I think he could have related very well to the following review from the 1983 comedy drama film, Mr. Mom:

“Jack soon finds himself overwhelmed with laundry, cooking, cleaning and other household chores. He is frustrated with the never ending menial tasks. His only social contracts around the house are his children and though he tries to engage them in work, he is often left feeling frustrated and alone. Jack shouts at his wife, ‘My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are watching the same TV shows and I’m liking them! I’m loosing it.’”

Only, I must say, life wasn’t all that rough. Mom and dad adapted to the bizarre responsibility transverse. I did too.

Before long, I had spent 12 years living in this role reversal. Although the family responsibilities clearly appeared uncomfortably topsy turvy to me…..well, I was okay. It was just the way my family worked—dad cooked and cleaned, mom brought in the money. I was habituated.

Yet when that question was asked, I would always be “thinking fast about how I could change the topic.” One more time, I used to brood, and I’m going to snap. “No, my dad doesn’t work for god sakes!! Only mom does. But you what? That is okay with me! Because they have managed to make it work so well…”

Come to think of it, although it was always okay with me, I knew, even as a fifth grader, that it would never be so with society.

Society.



That rigid structure of standards and values everyone wishes to be a well- integrated part of.

If you function out of norms, you are the odd one out.

For all those years before my father finally got a steady job, my family and me-- despite being financially well off-- were the odd-ones-out.

That is how society is fundamentally structured. The male and female spheres of responsibilities have been laid out quite distinctly, almost as a stringent law of nature that has to be respected and abided by. The man pays the bills; the woman takes care of the children. She can have a career, which is becoming increasingly common these days, but home and hearth still remain the top priority.


Although this concept is increasingly changing in today’s fast-paced, modernizing society, an absolute gendered division of labor in the private realm is still a difficult idea to digest.

“I just think that’s absurd,” said sociology professor Geoff Harkness, and I couldn’t agree more. What’s wrong so long as a family manages to function?

But modern society is yet to catch up with the notion. I think we were a family at the wrong place at the wrong time. Hopefully, a few years from now, society will be much more receptive to the idea.



Oh and dad, if you are reading this, I just want you to know that you make the best pea and potato soup ever.